M'aimer pour qui je suis

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 23:02:59 GMT

Inspired by my ate ko lani...whom is now known as lucypearl...i have also gone and changed my LJ...i havent really been attentive to this one....maybe its coz no one cud say or remember how to say Cuzhvnainrite...i dont blame you! lol....

so please add me up!! my new Chapter is now amaihana...lol yes...yet another wierd and unusually hard to pronounce name.....i will explain in my new LJ!!

hope to see everyone there!! and new people too!!

>>>>>>>>>>>amaihana<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 10:51:29 GMT

updates:

~ clubb @ no.5 today...
~ str8 after club....drivin to France...road trip...
~ im on after 5 months...i dont care if i gross u out tuffshit
~ because of the above...im a moody muhfukker...again i dont care..
~ im broke....scraping is the appropriate word...
~ my baby zee(eclectism) is leaving me in 2 weeks...*cries*...
~ i am still convinced that i love him to death...bastard...
~ i aint had the giggiddy in hella....he moved to kansas..LMFAO
~ im prepared to be a bitch...just for this month...=P
~ changin my nieces nasty diapers sux...huwwwuuuuuuuhhhhhhh
~ if your actually reading this...im surprised coz there is no pictures...well done!
~ i missed out on seeing ate Lans(x-posed) new place!..n GemGems(_Fall) Mac n Cheese...*sulks*...
~ im on leave from work for a week....and i still wake up at 8am! WTF??
~ insomniac...

_peace...

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 14:19:46 GMT

..beautiful..like a poem written with words that only flow for you and me..

                                       ...i can see the sunrise in you...
                                          ...u and me are poetry...
                                                                                                                   - yours truely

...God blessed me with the greatest of friends....it astonishes me..how these people can see me and my thoughts...through my smiles....they never fail to guide me...never fail to teach me...never fail...i thank god everyday for bringing these people to me.....who wuda thought crossing paths..with these once strangers...was one of the greatest gifts i could ever recieve....

..just because...

~ she is my balance

~ he is my guardian

~ she is my smiles

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 17:07:36 GMT

~ get it together

-one shot to your heart without breaking your skin
no one has the power to hurt you like your kin
kept it inside, didn't tell no one else
Didn't even wanna admit it to yourself
And now your chest burns and your back aches
From 15 years of holding the pain
And now you only have yourself to blame
If you continue to live this way....

-get it together
you wanna heal your body
you have to heal your heart
whatsoever you sow you will reap
get it together
you can fly fly....

~i think its time that i have time out to breath....i love him will all my heart...but right now...i love myself more...
~ in hiding...

~starbizznizz moments...

Wed, 11 Jan 2006 12:48:18 GMT

~ on any given random moment...its funny how my girls know when we all need a Starbizz fix...i dont think we ever go a week without a starbucks dosage of Caramel frap not forgetting the whip or a Mocha lite hold the whip...lol we are not usually adventurous with our choices....its quite a ritual...and we always end up in histerics or having an indepth convo about anything....i guess its the affect of the coffee!!...funny...i never used to like coffee that much.....up until now....and heres what usually happens when we feed our Starbizzucks craving............

..."mmm tastes good" says Jamie...."mmm smells good" says Zeebie =P...

.....mmmm my like cookie....hey...wheres the rest of my cookie!!...

.....hunger strikes....

.....am i bothered tho? am i bothered...lmao....

~ and thats the end of our Starbizznizz moment....

~a glance of yesturday...

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 18:57:53 GMT

~ and in an instant...the stars aligned...and the whole universe conspired...just for you and me......then just as the frosted sky embraced us in its arms...my love unravelled for u...i had no secrets...you had my love....

~ and just like that....it was just words dispersed onto paper...meaningless utter...with no sensuality behind each assertion...nothing had an answer...it did not make sence...beauty no longer was sheltered in our poetry...

~ unattainable failure...i no longer felt the stars smiling...with me...at me...its invisble touch that once seduced me..had dissolved...but i...i abstained from the truth....tried a kiss...unmoved....tried an embrace....desolate....beauty no longer sheltered us in its arms....

~char 06-January 2006

To be continued....

..Dear Santa Prt 3:

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 17:39:30 GMT

....i dont wanna ask for anything more...all i ask for is for brighter days....please ask God to be by my side...as i ask for his help everyday in my prayers....please can i have the strength...so i can make it through the rain...i dont ask for much...dear santa...please just take away all the pain....

~Char

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 18:32:30 GMT

Ok..so apparantly my first list WASNT realistic...*ponders* yes it was!lol in a non realistic way hahah*shuts up*...but seeing how GemGem and Zeebie do it... ive decided to go with the LJ ways and revamp my list!!..not that im expecting anything!! a hug and a card will do nicely!...

In no specific order...

- Make a post (public, friends locked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a just_go_to icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

- If you wish for real life things (not pics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.

- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, or link to this post (it'll be public) so that the holiday joy will spread.

- Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list.

And now here's the important part:
- If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it.

You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

So my wishes that i want to fall outta Santas sleigh and into my room are...

Stars ~ anything star related...im besotted with stars...just because...
Pinoy Movies ~ i know they are corny as hell, but they are so addictive!..
Anime ~ if anyone can burn me the Chobits series..PLEASE..any anime!...
Kelly Clarkson ~ her new album is Great...been a fan since American Idol..
Books ~ i like to read....particularily poetry and lyrics...
Graphic Novels ~ I have almost all the Chobit series..1-7 i think theres one more hehe...
Bath & body works ~ im running out and London isnt blest with the best hehe..
Family Guy ~ thanks to Zee...i think Stewie ROCKS!! season one would be great! lol
Beads ~ Im running out of beads to make jewellry! the gift will go back to u once its made hehe..
Shaolin Soccer ~ its a funny ass chinese movie...stupid but funny!
M.A.C ~ im an amature make up artist!! with a over used collection of eyeshadows!! i need adventurous ones
Letters from...~ i too like to recieve random letters...its nice to see the world in someone elses perspective...
Motown melodies ~ a selection of classics...
Him ~ to be with the one that i love soooo much...i had to put it in there
Shot Glasses ~ i collect them..so far ive got 20 from all over the place

Its time to go home now...lol i cant think any more!...

Santa work ure magic!!

Thu, 01 Dec 2005 18:27:37 GMT

**Xmas 2004....flash back...

"Things i want to fall off santas sleigh and into my room are..."

1. Mini IPOD..i know everyones got it...i dont care i want lol..
2. Narcizo Roderigues perfume..SMELL GOOD! heh
3. To go to the Philippines..
4. LIKE ADINGZ!! i want the CHOBITS whole series in the tokyopop book verson! i already gots the dvd!
5. Be with my Papi Chulo..=(
6. New computer!
7. Broadband or DSL...dis shiets slow mang!!
8. To pass my driving test..
9. TO BUY A NISSAN 350z! omg sexay car!
10. Last but not least..to be happy!! YEY!!

~Xmas 2005~

Time flies so quickly! sheet!.... but looking back on that!...i have actually achieved alot from that list!..crazy!! feels good!! wow...*smiles* hahaha...ok ok i have not passed my driving or bought a car...pshh soon! lol...

so heres my wish list for 2005...

"The things i want falling off santas sleigh and into my room are.."

1.Ipod Nano....my mini seems like old skoo now hehe...
2.A trip to Japan!! (^.^)
3.Money to pay my debts...im broke ninja im broke...
4.Jamba juice or Tapioca...does that count as 2 wishes...
5.TO PASS MY BLOODY DRIVING TEST!!! GRRRRR
6.A CAR...any bloody thing that runs on gas and has wheels...busses stanky shit! bleh..
7.Books ect voucher!!for the last CHOBIT BOOK oooooooooh! (Books Etc is Englands version of Barnes and Nobles)
8. Family guy seasons 1-3
9.Papi to be happy...
10.Finally...To be with papi...

So santa baby!! do yo dayyam thing...(not that dayam thing ZEE!!)

this year...

Fri, 25 Nov 2005 16:34:15 GMT

Sweet nothings....

Theres alot of talk about this year...what everyone has achieved...what everyone has done...blah blah......i cant believe its actually that time of year where we actually do think about these things....Christmas is right around the corner....New year is a stones throw away...

Looking back....

I am definatley not good with changes...i dont think much people are....this year has entirely been an emotional rollercoaster ride....but saying that...i dont have any regrets....ive changed jobs....changed career.....travelled more...seen people whom ive been waiting to see in YEARS....and i did it....Although some things have not turned out the way i was expecting it to be.....it hurts...but life bites u in the ass to wake u up!!....ive learnt more of myself...and ive learnt just to appreciate who i am....be me...instead of what im expected to be......im not here to impress u.....

Them....

I have GREAT people in my life...i feel like im the luckiest girl alive just knowing i have my family (of course) and the most craziest friends on earth.....I have met alot of new friends this year...3 of which i feel like ive known all my life.....my "schnates and Schmao"...is like another life line that i just cant live without....Ive also re lit an old flame from my past....i have my bestesesttesesest friends back in my life.....to that... i am so grateful....

Secrets....

I do not regret.....it happened...it was fun...like i said i have no regrets....i have learnt from you....and i know its wierd to say....but i hold you dearly close to my heart....i think that if it wasnt for you....i wouldnt have done all the things i was able to do this year....ure a great person and im gonna miss you lots...

The stars smile back at me when im with you.....

I look back at this year....and like every waking moment of the day....my thoughts of then and now....still consist of you......Everytime i hear a certain song....you fill my mind with sweet memories of then....everytime i look at the stars....they shine apon me....everytime i think of you.....I repeat my i miss yous...wishing that you will feel that same way again.....im so sorry that i couldnt be who you wanted me to be.....im sorry that i cant make you happy....im sorry that i cant make you smile....god knows how much i pray for you....god only knows that im completely in love with you....and i know im not ready to let go....not now....coz my smiles are with you...and only you....

i wonder what next years rollercoster ride will be like!

how has your year been??.....

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 14:49:54 GMT

...Hip hop Illusions...

...and then the sound of a broken heart....
parallel to the rythym of a hip hop beat...
hypnotised as the turntables spin....
sonance absorbes me...high on the pulse...
taking me to extasy...far from reality...
only to wake up to a world...
that i wish was not my own...

-char (nov 2005)

..and so..the cycle repeats once again...

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 14:02:59 GMT

...ive walked into it once again...

Im so pissed with my self...again i feel like a stupid little girl...walked over again...no scratch that i feel like ive been stomped on...a million times...and grrr am i mad...imma go awol on someone...

-numb

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 15:54:43 GMT

...and before you sleep....your pillow awaits that angelic soul to lay itself until it fades off into its slumber....welcomed by an infinate dream that fills up that space in time....-Me

I am told that i have no will power...funnily, i believe that is true...but i have my moments...i guess i am very selective of the times when i do use it....i find it hilarious that my life resembles how i treat my hair...lol stupid yes....how?? you may ask.....well the other night i found a sudden urge to be very analytical of my life while babbling on and on to Zeebie (electism) and ended up with this insane conclusion...it may sound like "omg char have you lost it??"...but.. please bare with me......

......im a hairdresser ( for all of you who didnt know im a colour technician...well part time one now)...i am constantly doing something to my hair especially colouring it....bleaching it over and over...dying it all sorts of colours...straightening....curling.....even though i know its bad.....i know what NOT to do.....but i still do it anyway.....for the pleasure of having my hair done...having a new look....regardless of the condition....i still risk the chance of my hair falling out...(thank god it aint happened!..YET)...then when i finally realise...oh crap my hair is fcuked...thats when i get all paranoid of what touches my hair...using loads of treatments and blah....then...the vicious cycle repeats....again...no will power....see its funny....i do the same thing....with a certain someone...i keep running back...even though i know i shouldnt.....and when worse comes to worse....i try avoiding it.....but then end up running around the same track....time and time again.....and every time...i get worn down...emotionally....again no will power...aint that a bitch?...maybe its time to break free from that..

i think thats enough of my whatless babble....=P thanks for listening...i mean reading lol

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 06:54:38 GMT

You know!! ask myself or zeebie for more details!! please come! just email me your full names=) whoot whoot

xxchar

..coz it takes my breath away...

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 06:26:36 GMT

happy and content...just being here makes me feel free....no stress of what could be or what couldnt be....here i can bask in the sun that smiles radiently upon me... to the tide and to our dreams.... ps Miss you guys!!

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 15:23:22 GMT

LJ Interests meme results

anime:
im just intrigued with japanese culture in general....although anime is the reason why i am in the first place....Chobits...Naruto...spirited away...rurouni kenshin...the list goes on...
boba tea:
aka bubble tea...tapioca...mmmm i drool at the thought!! the best place is in the states " Tapioca Express" mmmm..london isnt blest with the Boba thing yet lol
hip hop:
..fallen in love wid it once again...
jamba juice:
Helllooo JAMMMBAA!! omg...jamba juice...why dont we have one here in london!! Strawberries wild!! ooooh..yum...
music:
eclecticly influenced...i love music of different genres..i guess the music that i listen to really depends on how i feel at that moment...
poetry:
my way of venting...a way of expressing myself...beauty in words...
sunshine:
"i just want to see my lovely sunshine...i just want to bring back all my blue sky"
sushi:
mmmmmmmmmmmmm i like unagi...thats eel...it took me a while to get into it...its ok!! lol i looooooooooove sushi!!
the bay area:
Nickle and Dime baybee!! lol i love the bay area! its a nice place to be...really friendly people...and that certain someone is there...
travelling:
something i love to do...something i need to do more of...i want to see more of the world...starting off with japan! *fingers crossed*

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.

Im sleep deprived....2 days to go!!!!

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 17:21:11 GMT

Me me me me....

question?? shall i cut my hair shorter????

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 12:42:27 GMT

The time is right
I'm gonna pack my bags
And take that journey down the road
Cause over the mountain I see the bright sun shining
And I want to live inside the glow
I wanna go to place where I am nothing and everything
That exists between here and nowhere
I wanna got to a place where time has no consequences oh yeah
The sky opens to my prayers

Please understand that its not that I don't care
But right know these wall are closing in on me
I love you more than I love life itself
But I need to find a place were I can breathe
I can breathe
I wanna go to place were I can hold the intangible
And let go of the pain with all my might
I wanna go to a place where I am suspended in ecstasy
Some where between dark and light
Where wrong becomes right

-India Arie "beautiful".

The song plays repeatedly on my ipod....it sounds corny...but i get overwhelmed when i hear it...its like the song came to me at the right moment...Im going away for a few weeks soon...it makes me excited to jus "pack up" and leave....i know i will be returning...but hopefully when i return...my back will be turned to things i hope to just leave things behind....

Oh another thing.... i failed my first driving test!! *sniffle*....2 points away from a pass!! GRRR...no majors so i have that to be happy about...but i guess i wont be getting rid of my oyster card quite yet....soooon ssoooon tho!! lol....i hate walking!...and public transport!!

11 days to go....

Randomness

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 16:51:41 GMT

i lack sleep sex and shoes...

does any one think the word BLANK looks so filipino when u read it???

i know i sound drunk...but really im not...im just wierd like i said

I lack sleep sex and shoes...

Reflections...

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 09:50:57 GMT

Alot has happened within one year of knowing him...he has turned my world..

On another note its been a while since i have been here!...Im going on another

vacation soon!! imma be in the PI for 2 weeks in sept! im excited an counting the days.!

electism are u happy now b!! lol ive updated my thinggy! lol...i promise i wont keep

it too long next time....

simple something...simply nothing...simply hurting....

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 20:58:19 GMT

Ive never expressed to the point...how or what i feel......ive come to a point where i cant even poetically think...now i definately kno sumns wrong......

so.....i go to the states...signifying the beginning of a fresh start...a complete diversion of life...new things awaited me...and i had this one month to just rest my mind and body.....New york....such a home away from home...i loved every moment...the pace...the people...the vibe...not to mention the shopping!....I got to really prepare my mind...of what i was about to get myself into...preparing my heart...1 step closer to my heart.....i was going to see my heart...in Cali.....i was so scared.....that the flight there i cried a lil...happy tears...that finally i was chasin the sun to be with him.......finally after all these years...not knowing...what will become......not knowing what the hell to say......not knowing how my heart would handle it.....THEN i saw him.....my heart literally stopped.....i felt my heart smile...i felt my whole body smile......i was with him...in his arms......i couldnt breathe from the excitement.....that was just the first day.......
So we met that night again...2 weeks was ours......the stars smiled at me every night......he was mine.....i was his.....perfect......

.....things fell before my eyes...just a few days before i was leaving...unspoken words...came out......the stars suddenly didnt shine for me.......things dont always turn out the way u want it to.....so im left there with my heart in his hands.....suddenly i felt my soul cry.....ive NEVER felt this torn......im so broke inside...i just gotta let it burn i guess.....i never knew emotions can tear me up so much.......so bad that im crying as i type this sorry logg.....love is such a strong word.......but not as strong as how much i feel for him.....i feel stupid thinking this.......i know life goes on.......i jus dont want to cry no more.......i dont want to feel this way........its making me weak......i went to church with him.....i sat in church......pleading to god to make him strong.....to make me strong.....to make it go away......i had no more answers in my head.....i asked god to help me......tears flooded from my eyes..........i was looking for help......i need help.......i feel like i cant stand on my own 2 feet anymore.....im just praying for better days......

reading back on this.....i sound so stupid......i guess thats what love does...
IT FUKKS YOU UP........

Introducing.........

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 21:01:02 GMT

I havent had the opportunity to introduce my new addition to my family!!....
WORLD WELCOME SKYLER ANNE QUIAMBAO WEBB aka Shanniqua hehehe...

She was born on the day i flew from San Francisco on the 23rd or March! She is my niece!!! before all you people think EHHHH U GOTS A BABY!!! heheh no no no not quite yet!! although she is soooooo yummy I WANNA KEEP HER!!.......hehe she so cute!! she even puked on me today!! i didnt think id be happy gettin puked on! lols she keeps u smiling!! and she got that baby smell......

SHE SMILES WITH ME!! TAKE A LOOKIE!!.......

im broody now........geez.....

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 21:10:03 GMT

"To the tide......and to our dreams"

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 16:40:50 GMT

Journey of solitude......

step by step...alone in this journey...no one to grace me with a smile of hope...no stars to shine a path to guide me....heads down as lonesome bodies wonder to their place of contentment...this is my first step...this time i walk alone......

bewildered in thought....awaiting the destination of their desire..no notice taken by the soul beside me....i walk alone.....ud think its just a simple train journey.....their eyes fixated on whats ahead..my feet struggles to keep the pace...my body too weak...from a broken heart...

from hence its just me...numb to my heart...no emotional rush to lighten my skin...i am just another...another soul...head down...waiting for my next destination...i walk alone.....just me my thoughts and my shadow....trying to break through a cloud of hurt..and tears.....

Photograpy:CJayneqNy/CA2005

Poetry:Cjayneq28/Mar/05

MY GULAY!!!

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 17:21:16 GMT

it has been forever since i updated this!! hehe sowwie sowwie i been away!! Im actually still here in the states until next week! It has been really nice here In the Bay and in NY i love it here!! DONT MAKE ME GO BACK!!

but...

I GOT A MAN!! *JUMPING UP AND DOWN* hehe ok ok.....i met him here....yes i know its gonna be a long distance thing.....but im willing to work it out.....im not the only one in this situation.....(WE WILL DO IT TOGHETHER)....you know who u are!!chica!!....as for now...im just playing it day by day.....so far so good.....

so i will be touching UK soil on the 24th! hehe i will be back soon!! i owe someone a Starbucks!! hehe ok ok wwwwwwahhhhh bai!

end